Have you ever wondered about the marketing industry and how they’re masters of conviction and condescension? Tricksters who tickle your most primal instincts provoking you to spend resources on things and stuff that you really don’t need. Convincing you that you are NOTHING without them or their product; you are at fault and you need them to cleanse your tarnished soul. I know I’ve wondered about it.

We’ve all felt the effects of the advertisements that so blatantly pollute our aesthetic environment. Walking down the street, maybe you passed a Store 24 and saw a Marlboro ad, patted your pockets and said “Oh, shit, I need butts”. Maybe you’ve been communicatively impaired and walking through the mall you saw that it would only cost you FREE to get a cell phone, granted you sign the contract for 2 years. You did it. I do it. We all have. If you say you haven’t, you’re lying.

I’ve spent so much time in ponderance of this phenomenon that it drove me and my good friend James Saunders to reverse engineer the marketeers formula for insidiously burrowing into your brain like a spirochetal Syphilis bacterium.

Before I divulge the formula, I have a few videos for you to watch. For the purposes of demonstration, I ask of you to watch the whole video. I know, its the SOS you’ve seen a thousand times, but it’s important to reflect on the effects of your new armament. That is, once you know the formula you will have armor plating against their barrage of hollow claims and demeaning of value.

Bad Marketeering

Video 1: Billy Mays and OxyClean

Billy Mays’ advertising tact is so damn transparent, obnoxious and in your face that you almost want to buy it to shut him up. Brilliant campaign.

The Marketeers Formula

So now, the moment we’ve been waiting for…The Marketeers Formula.

  1. Convince people they have a problem
  2. Promise them you have the solution for them
  3. Guarantee they will save money if they choose your solution

Ad Dissection

Now lets take this knowledge and walk through the OxyClean commercial and dissect it based on their use of the formula. Follow along with the video.

1) 0:08-0:12 – “Pouring detergent is stupid. Why the hell are you still doing it?”

You have a big problem. You obviously are having huge issues at home having to pour that detergent. I mean look at the mess your making. And oh my, its terrible to get on your hands. Its seeping into your personal life, the bitterness from having to pour is causing angst toward your whole family.

2) 0:12-1:17 – “Never pour detergent again! Our product is so easy, even your idiot kids can do it!”

We’ve got the thing for you! Toss and go! It’s so damn easy. Forget about it, never pour again. Look how much time you can save!

3) 1:17-1:41 – “You get soooo much of our product for so cheap. Buy us and see how much you save!”

(This is my favorite part) Buy this product and SAVE!! You can actually spend money and save simultaneously. It’s so damn brilliant, its like magic almost. Wow, you’d be a fool not to do what they say.

Good Marketeering

We all know about infomercials and their ridiculous nature, but what about a well funded ad campaign. Say McDonalds or Exxon Mobile. I submit that the formula is very much used, but a lot more subtle; targeting your subconscious mind. Their ad sows the seed; your needs or desires give it life.

Lets look at an Exxon Mobile commercial and shed light upon the formula. I chose this commercial because its particularly difficult to see the formula through teary eyes.

Video 2: Exxon Mobile and Humanitarianism

  1. Problem – They have malaria.
  2. We have the Solution – $$$ invested (from absurd profit margins), domestic employment, new jobs, medicine
  3. Save Money – Next time you fuel up, feel good about a sound investment in helping dying African children.

Now, OK, Exxon Mobile looks great in this commercial and no doubt do I think their enormous influence should be used for humanitarian efforts on the global scale. This post is only about breaking wide open the marketeers aproach to your most primal desires. In this case, your desire is to drive (or turn on the heat, take a warm shower, etc. etc,) and save the world while you do it. And bygolly, Exxon has done a great job convincing us how sweet they are in helping us.

So there you go, next time you walk down the street or turn on the boobtube, dissect a little deeper into what they’re spitting at you.

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